


november.

by dylanowoah



Category: Phandom/The Fantastic Foursome (YouTube RPF)
Genre: M/M, Self-Harm, Self-Hatred, trigger warning
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-12-15
Updated: 2015-12-15
Packaged: 2018-05-06 21:19:01
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,059
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5431088
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/dylanowoah/pseuds/dylanowoah
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>(PLEASE READ.<br/>IF YOU ARE TRIGGERED EASILY DO NOT READ THIS. IT INVOLVES SELF HARM/SELF HATRED AND ALL THAT. PLEASE BE SAFE)<br/>-<br/>he couldn't stop. he needed help.</p>
            </blockquote>





	november.

No one asks to feel this way. No one wants to be in pain. Its the kind of pain that only time will heal, and a lot of it. 

He was sat sobbing softly in his bedroom on a lonely November night. The weather outside was cooling down, and this was always the worst time of year for him, for whatever reason, he always got extremely sad. He remembers the words vividly the last time Phil caught him like this.   
"Dan, if you ever feel like this again, call me, whether I'm right down the hall or in the next country, I will be here as fast as I can." That was last week. Dan hated when Phil saw him like this, blood shot eyes, a shivering mess. Dan and Phil have grown alarmingly close over the past few months. It all started when Phil first caught Dan doing it.   
-  
He was in the bathroom for a really long time, and he could hear Phil from the lounge calling out for Dan. Dan was panicked for his life, he had done something he had never even thought of doing. It wasn't even deep. At least Dan thought it wasn't. He remembers Phil walking in just as he pulled his sleeve down. 

"What's that?" Phil asked, pointing at Dan's sleeve. Phil stepped closer, into Dan's personal space and grabbed his arm. Dan flinched and pulled away.   
"Nothing, damn leave me alone." Dan snapped.   
"Dan what is wrong?" Phil questioned, looking around the bathroom for evidence. By the time Phil turned back around Dan has stormed out of the bathroom and slammed his bedroom door. Seconds later Phil was pounding on his door. "Dan I'm really worried, are you okay? What's wrong?"  
"What's right." Dan mumbled.   
"What's that?" Phil called, resting his head on Dan's door. Dan felt really bad, as he and Phil told each other everything, it wasn't fair. Dan closed his eyes and rolled up his sleeve revealing his scars. He thought about Phil's reaction, he knew he would be upset with Dan, whether it was anger or sadness. He felt a hot tear roll down his cheek and he violently wiped it away with the back of his hand. Dan stood from his bed and reached out to grab the door handle. "You can't get mad, please don't be mad."  
"I won't Dan. I promise." Phil answered. And with that Dan slowly opened the door and held his wrist out for Phil. Phil looked him in the eyes quickly and Dan gave a small nod. He rolled up his sleeve revealing two fresh cuts. Phil gasped out loud and Dan rolled his sleeve back down.   
"Dan, oh my God, when did you do this? Just now?"   
Dan nodded. "Can I ask why?" Phil said, sorrow filling each word.   
That's when he lost it and Phil opened his arms wide and Dan slowly complied.   
-  
That felt like forever ago to Dan, but here he was again. It was an addiction, and he didn't know how to stop it. More importantly he didn't know how to call out for help. He was numb all over, and he just couldn't cry anymore, it seemed near impossible. He hoped Phil wasn't able to hear him through their walls. But before long, Dan knew he had no other choice, he doesn't know what he did wrong, this never happened before. He must have cut a vein, Dan flew into the ultimate state of panic and he reached for the closest thing he could find to stop the bleeding and he wrapped it around his arm. Dan softly closed his eyes and did a little prayer, hoping he wouldn't have to get Phil's help. He waited a few seconds before he lifted the fabric, and saw a significant amount of blood. Dan's eyes grew large. Now he really didn't have a choice. Dan sighed. "Phil.." Dan called softly. With no response. He said it louder. "Phil."   
"Yeah?" Phil answered from what sounded like his bedroom.   
"Don't freak out, I just need your help in here. Now."   
Phil was at his door within milliseconds. "What happened!" Phil hollered when he saw the bloody blade and Dan humbled over on the floor with a bloody white towel over his wrist.   
"I said don't freak out, I just." Dan huffed out a large breath, he was getting a little light headed, he just needed to stay focused and he knew he'd be okay. "I can't stop the bleeding."   
"Dan I told you, to tell me whenever you felt like doing this to call me!" Phil stepped closer to Dan and held his hand out for Dan's arm. He pulled the towel off and revealed a cut deep on the vein that ran up his forearm. Phil swallowed thickly.   
"I can't. Dan. You're gonna have to go to the hospital. I can't make it stop."   
That surely caught Dan's attention. "What! Phil no! Can't you help me? You always know what to do." Dan cried.   
"Fine fine, okay. Just give me a different towel or t-shirt or whatever." Phil said still holding onto Dan's arm. Dan handed him a shirt, and Phil immediately applied as much pressure as he could. "Follow me." He said.  
Dan stood and followed Phil down the hall into their bathroom. Dan wondered why Phil was being so calm about this, he had a feeling he was in for it after the bleeding stopped. Phil pointed to the counter and Dan hopped up as Phil reached under the cabinet and pulled out a fist aid kit. He pulled out gauze and tightly wrapped Dan's arm, wrapping around and around. Dan watched Phil's concentration face, he always did this thing with his lips when he concentrated.  
"I'm so sorry Phil." Dan muttered through his sobs as several tears escaped their barrier and splashed on to his cheek. Phil's eyes met Dan's and his wrapping slowed down.   
"For what?" Phil asked, as he reached for tape and scissors.   
"Breaking our promise."   
Phil's look softened as he watched Dan search his eyes. "Dan, don't be sorry. I'll always be here no matter what."   
He didn't know how it was possible but he cried even harder and Phil quickly pulled him into a warm embrace. "I love you so much Phil." Dan sobbed.   
"I know." He replied.

**Author's Note:**

> i have no explanation other than im crazy and there was nothing like this.


End file.
